Nathan Filer, The Shock of the Fall (via liveasawinner)
I always think about this when I meet someone who is very patient and understanding.
I read the psychological report from when I was tested in the 9th grade for the first time. I don’t have any personal memory of it, except that it happened. I was surprised by how shocking and dark some of the things I said during the testing process were. I was diagnosed with ADHD, which I knew. But apparently, I was also diagnosed with anxiety and depression, which I never knew. They never prescribed medication because they didn’t think the disorders were due to chemical imbalance, but rather, my immediate environment. The most shocking and darkest part of the whole report was the example of the kind of stories I told in response to pictures I was shown. But the saddest was how I completed the sentences, “I feel,” “My nerves,” and “Sometimes.”
I wish I had been made aware of all of the diagnoses. For someone who was so lacking in self-awareness at age 14, in deep denial about any disturbing emotions or inner discomfort they could’ve been experiencing, had become generally disillusioned with people, and whose fear of abandonment was strong enough to make them malleable and compliant to the point where they had formed no individual identity or sense of self-worth, it would’ve helped me understand what I was going through so much better than I did at that time. I guess, better late than never.
I would like to hug all the women who have written for Doctor Who since 2008. All of them! I would start with…
What, nobody? That can’t be right…. (goes off, puzzled).